Only the Good Die Young…

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It’s October 16th somewhere in the world so here goes… I remember this day in 2005 so clearly and the week leading up to it.  On October 16, 2005 my best friend of 24 years died pretty suddenly of myocarditis.  (If you don’t know what myocarditis is, google it.  It’s rare and it sucks.)

That’s the day my whole life changed.  I became an adult and suddenly the important things in life were thrust in my face.  I took a step back and tried to move forward with a smile on my face pretending I was okay when I was secretly praying I would die in a car wreck.  Life without my favorite person in it seemed unbearable.

I buried myself in a new relationship and job so I wouldn’t feel the pain and completely fall apart.  That bandaid only lasted  year until it all got real.

Some days I am sad, some days I’m still pissed off, but most days I’m full of appreciation.  I appreciate the trees and the sunset.  I appreciate my friends and family.  I appreciate each breath knowing it could be my last.

There is so much I want to say, and I feel like in some way, Skipper knows my soul and what I’m thinking.  If I could send him a letter, here is what it would say:

Dear Skipper,

Today I will go to the ocean and think of all the good times.  I’ll think about how much better my life is because you have been such a big part of it.  I know I am who I am because of our amazing friendship.

I’ll listen to Moby and Sigur Ros and the songs that remind me of you but hold such pain that I can’t fight back the tears.  Tonight I will cry in my beer and think of you.  I am not sad for you.  I know you are free and well.  I will cry for myself knowing that there will never be another you.  You will never be replaced.  I’ve been spoiled by having the most amazing person in the world as my best friend.

Thank you for reminding me to show people love and compassion, and most of all to have fun.  Whenever I get wrapped up in the bullshit, I remember you and how it’s all over in the blink of an eye. I know I’ll see you again, but I miss you every day.

P.S.  I know we always used to drink Coors Light together, but now I’ve become a beer snob so I’ll drink a San Diego I.P.A. and pour some out for you.  In my fantasy world where we live next door to each other in San Diego and hang out all the time and drink local beers and BBQ and watch Dumb and Dumber and laugh our asses off, you don’t like Coors light anymore either.  I love you, Bizzle.