What’s Wrong With Being a Quitter?

I'm a quitter!

I think quitting things can be so freeing and gratifying.  I’m proud to be a quitter.  I try not to continue doing things that don’t serve me or make the world a better place, etc.

Things I’ve quit recently:

  1. Tinder.
  2. Giving a shit whether or not people like my writing.
  3. Censoring myself.
  4. Taking advice from people who have no clue what they’re babbling about.
  5. Hanging out with Debbie Downers and Dream Crushers.
  6. Working for a Narcissist.

Yesterday I had lunch with an old friend who was married to a Narcissist for years.  She shared a little about his behavior, and it reminded me of my sister.  She was saying that his lies and stories were so crazy, but somehow he believed them.  I can relate.  I would bite my tongue when my sister would tell a story that was some wild version of something that never happened.  She somehow changed every story to make her look like a hero.

One of my fave BS stories of hers reminds me of junior high because she was a total poser.  In junior high, we would call people trying really hard to be something they’re not, “Posers.”  Now I guess I just use the blanket word “Kook” for this purpose.  Say “kook” out loud and try to tell me it’s not one of the greatest words in the English language.  

Anyhoo, this kook (aka my sister) was telling all of her fashion friends and random people on photo shoots that she moved to San Diego to surf.  Ummmmm, that’s an effing lie.  She can’t really surf, and she didn’t move to SD to surf.  She moved there to be with her boyfriend at the time because she was overwhelmed with work and life in NYC and wanted to settle down and have a family.  There’s nothing wrong with that, just don’t lie all the time.

According to Urban Dictionary:

1. someone posing very hard as a surfer or skateboarder. 2. someone that goes to every surfing or skateboarding event to hangout, compile pictures, start conversations, and generally be seen with real surfers or skateboarders.

She’s the kind of person who is only nice to you if she is sleeping with you or you can further her career.

I know she lacks empathy and looks for the worst in people, and I was trying to figure out if she is a Narcissist or sociopath, so I did some research.

Let me drop some knowledge on y’all (even if it is borrowed knowledge).

According to Wikipedia,

Narcissistic personality disorder

“People who are diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration but lack feelings of empathy.[5]

Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, include:[1]

  • Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
  • Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
  • Envies others and believes others envy him/her
  • Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
  • Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
  • Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
  • Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic

Other symptoms in addition to the ones defined by DSM-IV-TR include: Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends, has trouble keeping healthy relationships with others, easily hurt or rejected, appears unemotional, and exaggerating special achievements and talents, setting unrealistic goals for himself/herself.[6]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by an over-inflated sense of self-importance, as well as dramatic, emotional behavior that is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders. [7]

Psych Central:

At the core of extreme narcissism is egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others. Some amount of basic narcissism is healthy, of course, but this type of narcissism is better termed as responsibly taking care of oneself. It is what I would call “normal” or “healthy” narcissism.

There is also the success oriented narcissist. She will be your friend and keep you close to her as long as you are useful. Once you do not have anything more to offer and she has taken all they wanted from you, you are history. You are no longer desired, wanted, or sought.

 It all makes so much sense now!  My sister has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  In the olden days I think they just called it “being an asshole.”

It seems like pretty much everyone I know has a Narcissist in the family and I guess my sis is ours.  The moral of the story is that I feel bad for narcissists.  I’ve noticed my sister doesn’t have that many friends.  She has a some acquaintances and work friends, but she is so self absorbed that she doesn’t have that many close relationships.  She also seems to become obsessed with whichever guy she is dating at the time to the point where she drops the ball with work and is too busy to spend time with her supposed friends.

Although I feel sorry for her, I also have to protect myself.  Narcissists are emotionally abusive.  The success oriented Narcissist describes my sis to perfection.  As soon as I finished my last screenplay and started getting some good feedback on it, she started acting weird and cutting me down.  All my life she has competed with me and tried to knock me down so I wouldn’t surpass her in any success realm.

Now that I see so clearly what happened, I can move on.  Behind my anger was hurt that I worked so hard to grow this business and help her with her vision and she took it for granted.  She wants to be my best friend when she feels like she has power over me, but when I start off on my own path she wants nothing to do with me.

I have forgiven and let it go, but I won’t forget.  I will move forward wiser knowing how to deal with Narcissists and assholes…RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!