A Crazy Little Thing Called Love

The other day my buddy posted an interesting New York Times article on Facebook about falling in love.  

The writer refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron  that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated (making them fall in love) by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions (I listed them at the end of this post) and staring into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes.

Spoiler alert: They succeeded in making two strangers fall in love.

The author takes a very scientific approach to the whole love thing, whereas I believe in the dream and soulmates (although I believe there are different kinds of soulmates) and all of that romantic lovey dovey junk, but she reiterates some good points.

My favorite quotes from the article:

“It’s astounding, really, to hear what someone admires in you. I don’t know why we don’t go around thoughtfully complimenting one another all the time.”

So often we fail to give people genuine praise and or appreciation.  Often actions speak louder than words, but heartfelt honest compliments go a long way.

Mother Theresa Love Appreciation

“Most of us think about love as something that happens to us. We fall. We get crushed. But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action.”

Falling in love is fun and thrilling, but once the love drunk initial phase is over, do you treat your partner with love?

My cheesy analogy is that relationships are like a garden.  It may look great now, and to make it grow and flourish you have to give it some attention everyday or it will wither and die.  It’s a lot easier to maintain a garden that you’ve already put so much love and care in than it is to start from scratch after letting your flowers die. Right?  

I know it’s elementary, but for me most relationships don’t just end all of a sudden, it’s little by little from neglect or resentment, etc.

Anyhoo, what do you think?  Are you in love?  Have you ever been in love?  Anyone out there HAPPILY married to their soulmate?

I still fall for you every day

The 36 questions in the study

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.